Only By the Night
by ashes at midnight
Summary: A different ending of the Season 1 episode 'In the Dark'. Instead of Angel destroying the Gem of Amara he takes a little trip to Sunnydale, but it's not for the reasons you might think.


**Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, and Angel belong to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt and Mutant Enemy. I am merely using these amazing characters to satisfy my beast of a muse!**

**A/N: After the Angel season 1 episode 'In the Dark' I thought of another ending. It's not particularly happy, but it's kind of how I wanted this episode to really end. ****A big shout out to misskaterinab for betaing this for me, and if you would like to see the banner I made for this story just visit my profile.**

(xx)

Only by the Night

Angel inhaled slowly before releasing the un-needed breath he had been holding. He was standing on the beach, in the shadows made by the jetty; his feet were in the water and had sunk into the sand as the waves surged up and over the sand with the pull of the tides. He was soaked, his clothing dripping from the impromptu swim and the fight with Marcus under the jetty not a minute before. Behind him the only remnants of the other vampire was a scrap of white fabric that still clung to the stake imbedded in one of the jetty's timber supports.

He looked down at at the ground and saw Marcus's ashes as they were slowly being dispersed by the waves. He shivered; it had been close, too close. He opened his palm and looked down at the Gem of Amara he still held in his hands before curled his fist around it. "Shit" Angel muttered to himself.

He was completely safe underneath the jetty, the thick wooden planks above protecting him. However, all around him the beach was still brightly lit by the hot midday sun. Even under the jetty he felt the sun's energy, its hot rays threatening to burn him.

He uncurled his fist and again looked down at the ring in his hand. He stood there for a second, before he took another unneeded breath and slipped the ring onto his finger. A few seconds later he took a step forward, towards the edge of the shade and after a seconds hesitation stepped out into the sunlight.

He walked a few steps before he stopped and stood in awe, looking around himself; the sunlight warming his skin for the first time in over two centuries. He spread his palms out in front of him and turned them over; fascinated by the light and shadow he can see playing over the surface of his palms.

"Angel!" Cordelia shouted loudly from the top of the beach.

He looked up and saw her running towards him, her movements awkward as she tried to run through the soft yellow sand. When she reached his side she stopped in front of him and just stared. Her mouth dropped open as she saw him standing in the sun.

"Are you ok?" she asked softly as Oz and Doyle ran up towards them. He nodded and looked down at the ring on his finger again, hardly able to believe that this little bit of metal could shape the very rules of vampirism.

"Uh…yeah…I'm…I'm ok" he whispered softly, still looking down at the ring in awe.

Cordelia frowned. She had never seen him act so distracted and out of it before. "Hello?" she snapped. "Earth to Angel!" She spread her arms in an exasperated gesture.

"What?" He started shaking his head and looking up. "What?" he asked again.

Cordelia sighed softly and rolled her eyes.

"Are you ok man?" Oz asked in his distinct monotone

Angel and glanced down at the ring again, twisting it round and round on his finger anxiously "I kind of want to…go see Buffy," he whispered softly.

Cordelia's eyes widened. "What?" she snapped

Angel glanced up at the sound of her shout. He glared at her. "I have to see her Cordy. I have to."

"Angel, you can't."

"I have to give the ring back, Cordy, and I have to do it in person." he told her firmly, making up his mind about what he had to do. What he needed to do. He couldn't use this ring, it wouldn't be right.

"Angel, man," offered Doyle sympathetically. "You don't have ta give it back, she gave it ta you."

"She beat Spike up," added Oz with a small smile.

Angel glared at them. "I can't keep this ring, it's…it's too easy…redemption is not meant to be easy!" he snapped.

"Angel," Doyle pointed out again. "I don't think the powers will be pissed if you get a _get out of jail free_ card," he murmured.

Angel sighed and turned to his friend "It doesn't work like this Doyle. I did a lot of horrible, unspeakable things and I should pay for them." He looked down at the ring and flexed his fingers. "And if that means giving up my one chance to be in the sunshine, then so be it."

"Buffy's gonna be pissed," Cordelia warned, crossing her arms over her chest and raising her eyebrows.

"She…. she'll understand." Angel told them. "I'll explain it to her."

Cordelia snorted and shot him a look. "Yeah, right!"

"I'm doing this whether you approve or not," Angel snapped.

Cordelia and Doyle glanced at each other. Doyle shrugged helplessly and Cordelia sighed, resigning herself to the fact that Angel had made up his mind and there was nothing she or Doyle could do to change it. He could be awfully stubborn sometimes. "Do you want us ta come?" Doyle asked softly.

Angel paused and then nodded slowly "Yeah, thanks…"

"Oh goody, road trip," Cordelia smiled sarcastically.

"I'll take the van and follow you," Oz added.

Angel nodded and started to walk up the beach.

The others followed. Cordelia, in a last ditch effort to avoid going back to the Hellmouth, tried to protest, but the others just ignored her. Giving up with a sigh and a dramatic roll of her eyes, she pressed her lips together and followed, coming to the conclusion that if she went with them she could always convince Angel to turn around on the way there.

(xx)

The drive to Sunnydale was uneventful. The top was down on the convertible and Angel was enjoying every second he spent in the warm afternoon sun. He had borrowed a pair of sunnies from Oz and despite them being gold with brass rims he found himself liking them. He still had to squint against the sun, though, not being used to the brightness.

He rested his left arm on the top of the door as he held the steering wheel casually with his right hand, a small contented smirk on his face. In the passenger seat, Cordelia watched him from the corner of her eye. She couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see him enjoying himself.

Too bad it was because they were on the way back to the Hellmouth to see Buffy.

She sighed loudly. "Are you sure this is the best thing to do?" she asked again, wanting to make sure he was doing the right thing.

In the backseat, Doyle rolled his eyes and shifted on the long bench seat. He couldn't believe Cordy was bringing this up again. He had thought they had already gone over it and had come to the conclusion that they were going to Sunnydale. Nothing more could be done.

Angel sighed loudly before he turned his head to look at Cordelia. "We've been through this already" he told her, his voice low and tense. "I'm doing this. I can drop you off at the next gas station and you can get the bus back if you want." He raised an eyebrow expectantly

Doyle snorted loudly in amusement as Cordy glared, huffed, and crossed her arms over her chest. She turned back around and stared out the other window.

Angel smirked and turned his attention back to the road. Unknown to Cordelia and Doyle, Angel was indeed considering turning around and heading back the other way. The _Gem of Amara_ was an unfamiliar yet welcomed weight on his right middle finger. The sun was shining overhead, and he still couldn't get used to the feel of the bright midafternoon sun warming his skin.

The ring would solve a lot of his problems. He could go out in the sun, and he wouldn't have to worry about being staked. He couldn't see a downside.

And yet he also knew it was wrong. It was the easy way out and Angel never took the easy way out. He wanted to _earn _his redemption. He wanted to help humanity. He didn't want this journey to be easy.

So he had to give the ring back, he had to make Buffy understand that this was the right thing to do.

(xx)

In good old Sunnydale, Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles were all sitting in Giles' apartment. The older man had a large book opened in front of him and was reading frantically. Willow and Xander were munching on snacks and watching the ancient TV in the corner. Buffy sat across from them, her arms crossed over her chest as she sat lost in thought and contemplating her actions of the previous couple of days.

A sudden burst of laughter from her friends made her start and look over. Willow and Xander were laughing at the TV, a bowl of chips held precariously between them.

Sitting at the table behind the couch, Giles sighed and looked over at them disapprovingly. He was just about to tell them off and to tell them to keep quiet while he caught up on reading some ancient prophecies when there was a soft knock on the door. Frowning again, he got up from the table and opened the door.

"Oz!" he exclaimed in shock. In the apartment Buffy, Willow and Xander all turned their heads around. Willow squealed in delight and jumped off the couch, dumping chips all over the floor before running around the couch and throwing her arms around Oz's neck as he took a couple of steps into Giles' apartment.

Buffy and Xander got up more slowly and headed over. Oz pulled back slightly, kissed Willow on the cheek and then turned his head to look at the rest of them. He smiled at Buffy, the corner of his mouth twitching. "You might want to go outside," he said to her, his eyes twinkling as he jerked his head out the door.

Buffy blinked, frowned in confusion, and moved slowly past the werewolf. Oz turned as well, pulling Willow around with him. Willow looked at Oz expectantly but the werewolf just shook his head. "You'll see," he whispered to her out of the corner of his mouth.

Eyebrows knitted in confusion, Willow, Giles and Xander all followed Buffy and Oz outside into the afternoon sun. Buffy looked around and gasped in shock. Standing next to the fountain in the middle of the sunny courtyard was Angel, his arms held awkwardly at his side. Next to him, Cordelia and Doyle shifted uncomfortably on their feet.

Buffy's hand flew up to cover her mouth as she stopped in shock. Willow gasped and gripped Oz's arm tightly, digging her nails into his skin. Giles sputtered and Xander's mouth falls open as they all stare in amazement at the tall dark vampire standing in the middle of the sunlit courtyard. The mid-afternoon sun casted shadows on his face, revealing highlights in his hair.

"Angel?" Buffy whispered in disbelief before she stumbled forward and rushed towards him.

Acutely conscious of everyone's eyes on her, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a quick hug before pulling back and looking up at him. The others crowded round, looking at Angel in disbelief. "Holy cow!" Xander snapped, breaking the silence.

Angel smirked and quirked an eyebrow as Willow grinned in excitement and rushed forward to give her friend her own hug. Giles cleared his throat and took off his glasses, polishing them nervously. "Well this is surprising," he muttered.

Willow was beaming as she stepped away from Angel and took Oz's hand in hers again. "This is so exciting," she gushed as she practically bounced on the spot. Angel turned his attention back to Buffy and just stared, unable to take his eyes off of her. Her hair was shimmering in the sunlight as she looked up at him with wide eyes. He had never seen anything so beautiful.

Behind the tall vampire, Doyle grinned in amusement at the reactions of the Scoobys. "Aye, that was pretty much our reaction as well." The Irish demons laughed at them as he nudged Angel in the ribs.

The vampire blinked and shook his head, glancing away from Buffy. "Oh," he muttered, suddenly embarrassed for not introducing his friend. "This is Doyle." He jerked his thumb in the half-demon's direction. "He works with me."

Doyle raised a hand in greeting. "Hey." He nodded once. "Nice ta meet ya."

Willow waved brightly as Xander bobbed his head. Giles cleared his throat and looked at Angel. "Ah…I take it you have decided to take Buffy up on her gift, then." He indicated the ring on Angel's right hand.

Angel glanced down self-consciously and started twisting the ring around his finger nervously. "Yeah," he whispered. "I need to talk to you about that." He looked up and met Buffy's widening eyes.

Buffy shook her head. "Stop it!" she snapped at him. "You're wearing the ring, aren't you?"

"Er…" Angel muttered.

Buffy glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest.

Cordelia shifted restlessly on her feet and reached up to place a comforting hand on Angel's shoulder. She might not agree with what he was doing, but she was still going to support him, especially against Buffy. "Can we continue this conversation inside? I don't want Miss Slays-a-Lot to forget and grab the ring while Angel's standing in the sun," she points out haughtily.

Doyle rolled his eyes at her, but both Buffy and Angel nodded, accepting this idea. They turned and stalked into Giles' apartment, the others following close behind. None of them wanted to miss this discussion.

(xx)

Back in the apartment, Angel sat down at the small table, and Buffy sat down across from him. The others took up positions around the room, Cordelia and Doyle both opting to stand side by side a couple of feet behind Angel, offering him their support. Angel sighed softly and looked down at his hand. Then he slowly pulled the ring off his finger and placed it on the table between himself and Buffy. "I can't take it," he told her softly.

Buffy felt the tears pricking at the back of her eyelids as she struggled not to cry. "Why?" she asked, her voice breaking.

Angel looked at her sadly. "I can't, Buffy!" He gestured at the ring. "I haven't deserved this!"

"Who cares if you have deserved it or not!" she snapped, cutting him off angrily. "This will help you Angel."

"How?" he asks quietly.

"It won't help my redemption. All it is doing is allowing me to help those in the sunlight. But they already have enough help!" He sighed and spread his palms in a helpless gesture. "Don't you see? I need to help those people like me, the ones on the fringes, the ones that don't have anyone to turn to." He sighed sadly. "If I have the ring, I won't. I'll forget about them just as everyone else has."

"You won't," Buffy assured him

He gave her a look. "It's already started, Buffy," he told her sadly. "I spent the entire day in the sun. I didn't think about having to walk through the shadows once! Not once!"

Buffy licked her lips nervously; she didn't want him to give up the ring. She wanted him to have the Gem, not only because she wanted to keep him safe, but also because she generally believed that he could do good with the powerful object. "But I gave it to you. To keep you safe," she whispered. Finally, the tears she was unable to hold back started to slide down her face.

Angel didn't move to comfort her. He couldn't. He knew he needed to do this. As much as it hurt him to see Buffy so upset, he knew he was doing the right thing. "I know," he whispered sadly. "But I'll be fine. I've survived this long without help. I can manage. I need to know that I did this right. That…that I did the best I could," he told her softly shaking his head. "If I have the _Gem of Amara,_ I can't possibly be doing that."

"So, what now?" snapped Buffy. She was angry now, almost shaking as she wiped angry tears from her cheeks.

Angel sighed sadly and looked down. Outside the afternoon sun was slowly setting, casting long shadows along the floor and revealing patches of dust where Giles had forgotten to sweep. "I don't know," he whispered sadly.

"Are you sure about this Angel?" Giles asked "You can help a lot of people with this gift."

Angel looked up at the older watcher as he leaned against his kitchen bench with Xander, Willow, and Oz standing next to him. "I know," he told Giles forcefully. "Don't you think I already know that?" he snapped. "But I can help so many more people from where I am now… in the shadows."

"But…"

Angel shook his head, cutting Giles' protests short. "Save it," he snapped. He stood up slowly, glanced at Buffy, and then started to walk towards the door.

"Angel, wait!" shouted Buffy, getting up out of her seat and rushing toward him. She grabbed his arm and stopped him as he reached the door. "I'm sorry, ok...I'm sorry…I guess I was annoyed that you didn't…"

"How can I, Buffy?" he whispered softly, "How can I abandon those that need my help the most? How can I take the easy way out?"

She looked down. "Yeah…I should have realised you wouldn't take the easy way out."

"Not exactly his style, lass," Doyle pointed out in a low voice.

Buffy glanced behind her at the half demon. "No, it's not." She looked back up at Angel. "I should have remembered." She tried to smile, trying to accept his decision.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, truly hating himself for hurting her like this.

Buffy nodded. "I know." She looked down, stepped back and walked back to the table to pick up the Gem. She looked at it and then curled her fist around the ring. "I'll keep it safe for you," she whispered. "It's yours. If you want it back, all you have to do is ask."

"I won't," he said softly. "But thank you." He opened the door. The sun had completely set; it was safe again for a vampire to walk outside. He sighed and gave her a crooked smile. "I'll see you later, Buffy," he whispered before slowly walking out the door and into the night with Cordy and Doyle trailing behind him.

A few minutes later, they were back on the highway and driving south towards Los Angeles. Cordelia was again sitting in the passenger seat. She turned her head and regarded Angel silently. "You wanna talk about it?' she asked after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"Not really, no," murmured Angel, his eyes focused on the road.

In the backseat, Doyle laughed softly. "Yeah, thought so," the former cheerleader muttered before she reached over and turned the music up. If Angel didn't want to talk about it, that was fine with her. She just hoped the brooding wouldn't last too long.

**A/N: Thanks for the support everyone. For those who are interested, I am still working on my novels; the muse just needed a little break for the moment. ****If you liked the story please review and tell me what you thought.**

**Thankyou**

**Lia**


End file.
